Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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