that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
