So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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