How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
