I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
