Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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