i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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