apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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