Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
