Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
