Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
