I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
