They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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