Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
