I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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