it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
