I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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