woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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