please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
