New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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