i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
