im six kinds of drunk right now
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
