My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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