If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
