Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
