is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
