You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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