I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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