I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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