I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
