do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
