If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
