It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
