Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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