omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
