What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
