Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
