You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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