Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
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