I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
How external is "for external use only"?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
