You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
