Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
