No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
