SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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