My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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