There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
