Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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