I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
