She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
