Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
